“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives”. - Anthony Robbins
When working with couples I first look at two essential elements: behavior and insight. What limiting behaviors are the couple using in their relationship and how much insight is there behind those behaviors?
Together, we develop an “observing triad” to study the behaviors, (which include communication styles) that either enhance closeness and functionality or disrupt it.
After clarifying and establishing a safe atmosphere for processing, we explore the meaning behind the behaviors; the core beliefs, attachment wounds, myths and unspoken truths. Usually, chronic, indirect and dysfunctional behaviors indicate a loss of support that occurred at some point in each person’s personal history. The evolution of a family can include times of great fortune and misfortune, abuse and avoidance, which can have a price that is paid by the next generation.
After clearing up destructive behaviors and communication styles, we find out about the family history, the losses (and victories), wounds of attachment, intimacy and lingering unresolved conflicts and begin repairing their effects on the relationship.
Using mindfulness, body-tracking , transformational experiments, transpersonal insights and some common sense, we explore the unmet needs, negative behaviors and the present desires of your relationship.
We then integrate and practice new insights and behaviors, fine tuning and perfecting them until they become the “new normal” way of being together.
I have been working with couples for 25 years using a body-centered and mindfulness based approach. I was trained by Devi Records, the originator of Hakomi Coupleswork, completed a certification training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family taught by Suzanne Pope and Jan Raynak, Co-created a training in Experiential Coupleswork with Rob Fisher, Co-taught a course called Somatic Approaches to Couples Therapy at Naropa University with Kekuni Minton, Pd.D , was certified in Family Therapy by the Colorado School for Family Therapy in 2005 and obtained a License in Marriage and Family Therapy in the state of Colorado in 2006.
Relational Life Therapy
I am a certified Relational Life Therapist with the Relational Life Institute (www.terryreal.com) . I serve on the RLT Institute Steering Committee and the RLT Foundation. Terry is one of the few family therapists who has written frankly and compassionately about men and their struggles with depression. RLT looks at how unnamed behaviors of grandiosity and toxic shame, in either partner, play a part in perpetuating destructive couple, family and group dynamics. Like Murray Bowen, Pia Melody, and David Schnarch before him, Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy emphasizes personal power, individuation and integrity while supporting the couple in finding a love that flourishes and cherishes.
The result of all my experience is a comprehensive therapeutic approach that includes the wisdom of traditional theory, techniques from the latest somatic, neurological and wholistic discoveries, and the impact of current sociological factors.
Couples sessions are always at least one and a half hours long. Additional quarter hours can be added as needed.
See Fees and Hours Page for further information about my practice.
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage" - Taoist Proverb
For more information on Experiential Couples Psychotherapy please see Rob Fisher’s article here. The major influences in my Coupleswork include: Terrence Real, David Schnarch, Devi Records, John Gottman, Sue Johnson, Stan Tatkin, David Richo, Sherrod Miller, Marshall Rosenberg, Bert Hellinger, Margo Anand, Charles and Caroline Muir, David Daida, “Graduate of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy Training under Ellyn Bader Ph.D. at The Couples Institute.”
Family Therapy Elders include: Virginia Satir, Murray Bowen, Salvador Minuchin, Jay Haley, Cloe Madanes,Suzanne Pope, Jan Raynak, Devi Records - founding member of The Hakomi Institue and originator of Hakomi Couples Work
“When my partner and I came into to Jaci’s office, we were completely at a loss as to how to move forward in a kind and loving way in our 8 plus year relationship. I’ve been to many therapists in my life and wasn’t expecting much because I knew our situation had decayed severely…the anger was palpable in both of us. I was amazed at Jaci’s ability to use tools to make us understand what we were doing to further corrode the relationship and more tools to give us ways to communicate in sane and constructive ways. She gave us words to use that immediately allowed openings in communication and understanding. Those tools and words changed the course of our downward spiral and helped us continue healing. I can’t thank Jaci enough for her professionalism and wisdom.” M.B.-Boulder
"Our session was very impactful for both of us.. it was inspiring, revealing and humbling. Thank you for gently guiding us to what we needed to see. “ GW+DK, -Boulder
When we wake in the morning, we turn to the other and whisper, "Another day." Mostly, what we mean is, "Hello". Mostly, what we mean is, "How lucky." But sometimes, what we mean is. "There was nothing before this." It's the good kind of pretending, to believe you've got a do-over, and empty plate, a chalkboard wiped spotless. Sometimes, it is better to fool yourself that whatever happened will never happen again.
The disappointment, the mistake, the tantrum, the sorrow. Sometimes, you have to absolve yourself of what you remember, or what you did or what you didn't do, let the past float behind you like the trail of a ship passing. This is for your own good. This is the brief suspension of a belief you must allow yourself, the slip in the system, the benevolent black hole that will take you, blinking and history-less, into the next big universe and its unfathomable stars. "Another day", we murmur just after the alarm rings, before the day mutates into loads of laundry and other metaphors, before the disassembly begins in earnest. "Another day." It is a password between us. A secret handshake. It doesn't matter that the words will last only as long as it takes for them to pass through our mouths. It is enough. It is a forest nymph, a seahorse, a sand dollar, a fairytale, a sprinkling of pixie dust sealing our bodies into the sweetest innocence, our hearts forgetting they'd ever broken at all. Chalkboard-mayastein.com
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